Enough Already with "not enough"!

Back in August, I started the second annual

101 Days of Gratitude

.  The idea is to post something that you are grateful for everyday.  Last year, I did this to both create meaningful daily content on my

Facebook page

(the key to social media success, so I hear) and to force myself to work through my aversion to social media. It worked really well! I got more fans, even had a few people join in with me, and surprised myself on how fulfilling posting things online can be.

This year has been different

. I started this project with the intention to start to create a community around my ultimate dream of creating the Upward Spiral Center for Healing and Transformation.  Earlier this year, this dream started to look like a reality and I have been working hard to make it happen.

But that's a lot to juggle.  The creation of the center has brought some core issues of mine up to the surface and that's caused some breakdowns and needs to withdrawal. For the past month or so, I've taken a step back from major work on creating the center, because I realized"

If I'm going to create the Center, I need to first find my own.

There is this saying in Chinese Medicine that

"one can not inspire a virtue in someone else unless they first possess it themselves."

Since I came across this thought in my Daoism and Chinense Medicine class back in 2009, it has infused much of my thoughts about work and therapy.

One basic issue for me (and I know for a lot of my clients) is essentially that

I'm not enough

.

And the silent belief that follows is that

no one will love me

.

To create the center is to affirm the opposite:

I am working to create a space for all of US to explore what our healing journeys can become

. To do this, I will need lots of love and support from my community.  It can not happen with out it.

In addition to really slacking on my own gratitude posting during this year's project, I publicly admitted the other day that I miscalculated 101 Days.  The intention is to lead up to Thanksgiving, but I started a week early. So its 108 days instead. Thankfully, its a symbolic number!

I've still felt alot of 'gratitude guilt' (which essentially traces back to "I'm not good enough") about neglecting my gratitude and miscalculating.

I was overjoyed at the responses I got after posting about 108 Days. You can see some on our

Facebook Event

.

I had a guy write me a personal message and say:

"

no embarrassment needed ... I just kept thinking how is my counting wrong !?! lol its an awesome idea and has brought joy to even more people than you'll ever know ... it's fabulous and I wouldn't change a thing"

I also had a friend of mine tag me in a post:

"I am grateful for 

Nyssa Rhiannon Hanger

, a great friend, and someone who has the imagination, thoughtfulness, and work ethic to do something good for her community. Or better yet, to get us to do something good for ourselves!"

How can I not feel loved and enough reading things like this? I am bookmarking this page for the next time I feel bad : )

I don't know if I can really say "ENOUGH!" to "not enough," but I'm sure gonna try. This is what I hope to inspire in others eventually at the

Center

, but for now I'm going to continue to work on me and inspire the community I already have.

Thanks ya'll, for all your love.

The Creative Journey

I am ready to start blogging again.

Last August, I accepted a job at the University of Tampa teaching a class on Creativity in for Communication, Journalism and Advertising/Public Relations students. Its a big challenge since I have never done anything like this before, but I am learning a lot about teaching, sharing, and uncovering my own creativity.

My intention is to share more about this on this blog.

It is difficult to read and teach about the creative process without doing it on my own. We are using The Artist's Way and Making is Connecting as our two texts books. One is about a spiritual path to creativity and provides a course framework for uncovering our creative selves including writing morning pages as well as various creative activities and assignments. The other is a cultural perspective on how making things connects us with ourselves and others with a particular focus on making in the digital world or "web 2.0."

So my attention is directed again to this blog project and how I feel I can use it to more effectively express and share my own creative journey, the journey I affectionately refer to as the "upward spiral."

We will see what happens...

The Return of 101 Days

So, tomorrow we are starting 101 Days of Gratitude again. I'm super stoked for this new project. I've got more help and others who've come on board to make this a true community project.

This year, instead of writing a blog post everyday, which was obviously too much to keep up with, I am going to post on social media (#101gratitude) and contribute to the gratitude walls. Not only are we going to have

one at my office like last year

, but we will also have them at

Kaleisia Tea Lounge

,

Felicitous

, and

Cafe Hey

. And they will be handmade mounted chalkboards. This is turning into such a beautiful project already.

When I look back I see how deeply transformed I was through the project last year. It really helped give rise to a ton of amazing things in my life and I can't wait to see what it does this year for my lives and others!

Read more on

how to participate here

and if you are on Facebook,

join the event

.

End of 101 Days! Well, Not Quite...

101 Days ago I began an ambitious project to to celebrate gratitude daily for over 3 months on several social media outlets. I would post a picture on Instagram (which would also post on Facebook and Twitter) and I would write a blog on here. The gratitude part is easy, but I hadn't realized when I began how I could get caught up in the putting myself out there part.

When I reflect on where I was coming into this project, deciding to embrace social media and dive right in, I see how it lead me to create this challenge. And it did what I hoped it would. It got me to write and reflect more, share that with other people, and even inspire some others to start their own gratitude lists. This practice has also helped me to become a better writer. I've also seen some incredible transformations in my life since I began including substantial increase in my work schedule, submitting for my first TEDtalk, publishing a chapbook, and just feeling great most of the time.

I also see how I have farther to go. But I think that's just the way things are. There's no end to the upward spiral, just an ever wider and fuller view of from where you've come. I had a conversation with a client that was asking about what to do about the tendency to beat themselves up inside and reflecting on my own experience all I could offer was that you have to move through it. We learn how to maneuver it. Maybe it becomes less like a struggle and more like a dance.

Gratitude is a good tool to change things up inside. For me it gives my awareness something new and positive to focus on rather than the negative. The more I strengthen that gratitude pathway, feeling genuine in my appreciation, the easier it it for me to draw my attention to those things even when I want to feel down. This is a constant practice that will hopefully go on throughout my life. This reminds me of something else I have reflected on recently...

So since I am still a few days short of 101, I have decided to keep posting when I get a chance until I reach 101. That okay with you? I knew you'd understand.

Now the question is: What are you grateful for?

June's Project

Time to re-cap and set new intentions:

So I began this blog at the beginning of May with the intention to write on here everyday.  During the first few days of the blog, I saw that the Sacred Tremor was also doing a 30-day project. I hadn't at that point thought about having a limited time to "write on here everyday," but after watching the TED talk about it, I decided 30 days was a good bet. And maybe I'd try to do something different everyday for 30 days. 

As you can see, I didn't write on here everyday for 30 days.  But I'm okay with that.  I at least wrote on here 17 out of 31 days, and that's just about over half... more importantly, I'm pleased with what I did write on here and am motivated to keep exploring myself publicly.  I am in the business of helping others make changes in their life and I know that means I have to do it too.  The thought here is that maybe reading about my struggles can help others; in the least, writing about it helps me. 

So my 30-day project for June is to do yoga everyday.  This means go to a class or do at least one full sun salutation.  So far through June I've done my project. We are only on day five though, so let's see what happens next week...

Observations

So, it's been over a week since I have posted even though I set the intention to post everyday. This is a typical pattern for when I have set intentions to do something daily. I'm adamant then more casual which slowly slips into forgetting I set an intention at all. Well, I want to try breaking that.

Its not that I haven't had things to write about, there are things everyday. It is more about making myself sit at the computer and type, not worrying about what others may think of what I write.  If that is an issue for me, why write on a public blog?  I like the exercise in letting go of what others think and just be myself. I believe this is good work.  This kind of exposure and introspection is what I hope to encourage in others through my business so I also feel that it might be helpful for some to see that I do it too.  Plus, it makes me continue to do my inner work, a necessary element in being able to effectively inspire inner work for others.

So let me get back on the wagon...or is it off the wagon? I can never remember...

Thirty

Earlier this week I made the decision to begin this blog and write at least one post, however simple or short, everyday. On the next day I saw that the Sacred Tremor had started a 30 day project and was encouraging others to do so as well. There was a link to this TED video and watching it has probably changed my life.


I love this idea of doing something (or not doing something) or 30 days. There are so many changes I'd love to make in my life, some of which I have been thinking about for years.  Like over 10 years. I'm at the time in my life where I'm realizing people in their early twenties are no longer my peers. I'm getting older but still want to learn new tricks. It seems the 30 day scheme is the way to do it.

New

Part of my intention here is to write through my journey in a more in depth study of yoga.  I've practiced on and off for 10 years and see the great value of a consistent practice.  But I would like to be more consistent! With yoga, with writing, with everything.

So I attended a class tonight.  I realized earlier in the day that I had the opportunity and probably wouldn't most of the rest of the week.  It is also the first of the month which is a great time to start anything. Even if it turns out to be a Tuesday. 

When it came time to leave the house, I left the house. Even through the thoughts of, "I can get something done..." I walked out the door and started driving to the studio. I still had thoughts of resistance driving there and walking in. But then I immediately saw someone I knew, and then another, and then another. I got to practice alongside a friend of mine who I didn't even know was going to be there.  It was a stellar constellation. 

Several hours later, I still feel wonderful.  I did some asanas I don't remember doing before, like reverse table top:

I am so thankful I went and plan to have more reverse table tops and many other new ways to become more embodied in my future!

Maintain

Keeping up is hard to do.

I hear my mom saying the key is to just get started. I seem to be good at that part, but it is the keeping up that is the hardest.  Like staying with a practice for longer than a few weeks. This is my attempt at that.

Write here everyday. About anything. And see what happens. This is my plan...