Day 50: Emotional Release

For the past few weeks, I've felt that I needed to do a breath session. In the advanced bodywork system that I studied (

Structural Energetic Therapy

), we learned a technique in releasing emotional energy in the body that we call Emotional Energy Release Therapy, Emotional Release Therapy, Emotional Release, get the idea. It is based on techniques used in Alexander Lowen's therapy called Bioenergetics. We use a process of continuous, facilitated, deep breathing to charge the body with energy, break through energetic/emotional blockages, and allow more life/awareness/consciousness to flow through our body.

I've been feeling for a few weeks that I was due for a session. I would find myself being more upset about things than I knew I needed to be, or taking a long time to let something small go.  There were times of heaviness, of a lingering sense of unease, of only being able to see the things that were not going my way. I know better than this, but the funk was still there. Its because our bodies hold onto way more than we need it to, often the negative thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Those then come to shape our reality in negative ways, perpetuating the problem, and sometimes it is hard to get out of it.

As much as I didn't want to do a breath session today, my neck had been hurting the past few days and my throat was even a little sore (I think from yelling a lot this weekend at the Dance Party), I did it anyway. I breathed deeply in and out, knowing that I'd feel better in the end. I cried, yelled, screamed, even got up and hit the punching bag. I felt tingling throughout my body, a large concentration in a band around my diapragm/mid-torso and my hands. I got insights on the truly important things in life.

So many things went through my mind; though much of it are things that I worry about, I feel much better about them now. They don't have the charge they did previously. There is this feeling that everything really will BE OKAY.  I feel lighter and more clear-headed. Again, like whenever I return to yoga, I think, "What the heck took me so long?"

Oh yeah, and that neck pain, totally don't have it anymore. Amazing.

Day 26: This Breath

Today was a little more emotional than usual. First off, over the past week my grandmother has been slipping farther into her transition from this earth. At least that's how I am thinking of it. Another interpretation is to say her dementia is getting worse and she has shown that she needs more care than we thought last week. This is the first time I have witnessed something like this and there is a range of emotion that goes with it. Even though this would have been a true statement before it has more weight now: My grandmother as I knew her is fading away.  This realization just sort of hit me last night.

Maybe that had something to do with the crazy-ass dream I had last night? I woke up realizing that I had dreamed all night.  It was like a very long movie in which I was starring as one of the victims in a very sick psychological thriller. I won't go into the details, but I will say I was creeped out most of the morning.

What got my through my day was simple: my breath. Being able to just return back to my present moment through tuning into one of my most essential actions, breathing, was all I needed to get me out of that hectic head space.  When I look around at what's in front of me, instead of wallow in the mind-stuff, I see the wonderfulness that is my life and am able to focus at my tasks at hand.

I know that it is also important to take some time out for the things that deeply affect me. Breathing is getting me through that too.