Oddly, I am writing this before 6am on a Friday because I just can't sleep. Yet one more reason why I can see I’ve got a little more yang going on than I need.
I've officially begun the summer sabbatical that I've been planning for months. It's not a sabbatical from all work, just from working on clients. For over a decade, my schedule has centered around my massage clients. It has been a joyful time, but over the past six months, Upward Spiral and the Atlantic Institute have grown so much. Keeping up with the demands of running both of these businesses while maintaining my client schedule just wasn’t working.
I’ve been showing very sure signs of burnout for a while. The fact that I am up right now is just more evidence.
(Side note: It’s weird how burnout and fatigue can create insomnia … )
Last spring, I heard a little voice inside say it was okay to take a break from seeing clients. They would all understand, and the two other therapists at the office could take good care of them in my stead.
“That voice is right,” I thought.
Then, if an inner voice could say something under its breath, it did and with clear assurance. You know, you can’t help others on their upward spiral if you are not being true to your own.
Sometimes truth comes at us like Sisyphus’s rock at the top of the hill. We push against it. We deny it. We carry it still. Then, eventually, there is no more room left, and we must surrender to the gravity of what we know. It is time for me to follow that stone back down to earth and maybe just sit there a while this time.
In terms of Yin and Yang, my work-life and home-life tend towards hanging in my yang energy most of the time. Sure, I get some rest in there, but there's a certain degree of being on what I am on, constantly. But I know this is not sustainable.
I guess it's fitting to be moving into a slower, more deliberate, calmer lifestyle at this time of year (or at least be creating space for this where there wasn’t space before). The sunlight has reached its peak for the year, and each day will increase in darkness until the Winter Solstice in six months.
I guess the sun is beginning its slow roll down the horizon as I am realizing this undeniable truth about my life.
It’s time to see what's going on on the shadier side of the hill.